I'm Sorry...

You always thought I was so great, so wonderful, so perfect.

And then you wonder why you are always the one to get hurt.

But I can tell you why.

It's because you have so much faith in me.

And I'm sorry that I give you any reason to believe that I am so great.

I'm sorry that I hurt you again. This wasn't easy for me either. I didn't want to hurt you at all. And I wish that I could explain this better than I already have.

You were so excited at the concept of me thinking that I was still in love with you. That excitment got to me. It made me believe that I really might be in love with you. That going down to see you really was a good idea. But I knew deep down it wasn't.

I tried to make it obvious that I wasn't sure about the whole situation. And I thought I was doing well with that. But you're always so blind to my feelings. You never understand how I am feeling, no matter how hard I try to explain it to you. You get one thing in your head and thats it. You're gone and believeing that thats whats going to happen and thats it. I wish you were more flexible that way...

But I can't blame this all on you. You didn't want to get hurt. I should have made my doubts clearer, I should have told you right from the begining that I wasn't sure that I really was in love with you, that nothing was promised and that I thought that visiting you was a really bad idea.

I just wanted you to know that I am really truely sorry. I never ever meant to hurt you. I realize that I am the reason you are so hurt right now. I am the reason that you know this feeling so well. I really want you in my life, just not the way you want to be in it. I love you, but its not the same as before, its not as strong.

I'm not the one. The one would never ever do this to you.

I am so sorry...

It's killing me too, if you couldn't guess...